That time when I was sure that everything was fucked up, really fucked up, without any logic, a whole world to get lost,just living without giving any crap, thousands of unfair things and I was mad against my life, my horrible life. I loved to wear black lipstick, black high heels boots, and a black rain coat, I used to draw awful things over my hands when I was in class, and my happiest moments consisted in me looking at the selling, white neutral selling of my room, away from everybody,I used to light some black candles and invocate Kurt Cobain, life was a nightmare from which I needed to runaway, alcohol an interesting exit and men were just toys to play with.
Interesting period of my life, I had such a big fight against the world, I was simply fed up of everything, of the piece of crap that was everything, of pretending, of lying, of being an hypocrite, fed up of the fake smiles and the assholes that had more money and possibilities than me, dumb people who liked the pink color, them, the ones who played with other kids when they were kids, the people that lies and that loves other people's attention, that loves expensive brands and their boring routines.
Daria seemed way too fake, the brutal reality was painful, absurd, boring and almost unbearable. And the funniest thing of all is the sarcasm, the lack of sense in everything, the deep emptiness in which we live and how hard we try to ignore it.
How right I was, and how much I admire that teenage that I was, now when I'm 23 I'm able to accept it, she was way wiser than me and she would make fun of me, of my empty parties and my stupidly expensive fashion bags, she would laugh at my unconditional love for the human beings and at my boring routine, she would make sarcastic comments of my "fashion look" and she would think i'm pathetic for being married at such a young age and being tied like a donkey to a tree with all my unfinished responsibilities.
That girl is the one that keeps me alive, and now that I get in touch with her I just know how stupid my life is now, and how is better not to take anything seriously, how is better just to laugh with her about myself and my so said "identity", just have some fun, laugh and listen to Kurt's music, and listen to Kurt's music..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WHZ9jh7IhkU
Aquel tiempo en donde estaba completamente segura que todo estaba jodido, bellamente jodido, sin ninguna lógica, un mundo para deambular y hacer pendejadas, miles de millones de injusticias y un coraje inmenso de aventarme una vida como la mía, me encantaba pintarme los labios de negro, ponerme botas de talones altos y una gabardina, dibujaba en mis manos en las clases, mis momentos mas felices eran en cama mirando un techo blanco y neutro, lejos de todos, encender velas negras y convocar a Kurt Cobain, la vida era una pesadilla de donde me tenia que salir, el alcohol una excitante salida y los hombres un juguete manipulable.
Interesante periodo de mi vida, tenia una pelea tan grande contra el mundo, estaba simplemente harta harta de toda la porquería, de fingir, de la hipocresía, de las sonrisas falsas, de las fiestas donde todos son felices y vacíos por dentro, completamente harta de la gente idiota que tenia mas medios y palancas que yo, gente que le gustaba el color rosa y que de niños jugaron con los otros niños, gente que miente y que disfruta de la atención de los otros, de las marcas caras, de sus aburridas y rutinarias vidas. Daria me parecía demasiado falsa, la cruda realidad era lastimosa, absurda, aburrida y casi insoportable. Y lo mas gracioso era el sarcasmo, el poco sentido de todo, el inmenso vacío en el que vivimos y lo mucho que intentamos ignorarlo.
Cuanta razón tenia, como admiro a esa adolescente, probablemente sabía mas que yo de todo, y hoy a mis 23 lo acepto, ella era mucho mas sabia, y se reiría de mis sonrisas falsas, de mis fiestas vacías, de mis estúpidas bolsas de marca, de mi amor por los seres humanos y de mi aburrida rutina, me haría comentarios sarcasticos de mi "look a la moda" y ademas creería que es patético que a mi edad este casada y con mas responsabilidad que un aburrido asno atado a un palo..
Esa monita es la que me tiene en vida, y hoy que converso con ella me doy cuenta de que tan idiota es mi vida, y como me vale mejor ni tomar ya nada en serio, como mas me vale reírme con ella de mi misma y mi supuesta identidad, divertirme y escuchar a Kurt, y escuchar a Kurt.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WHZ9jh7IhkU
